Bad Thoughts
by Keleficent
Summary: Some bad thoughts may drive Dipper to do something drastic (warning: suicide attempt).


Dipper wouldn't be deterred. He finally knew who the author was and wanted to know more about him. Sure, he's tried to talk to him about seventeen times already (seventeen and a half if he counted that one time Ford quickly left the room before Dipper could finish his question). But, hey, eighteenth time's the charm, right?

Back home in Piedmont, he was just a sweaty, noodle-armed nerd whose only friend in the world was his own sister. He hadn't exactly been…happy…before coming to Gravity Falls. He started having…bad thoughts.

All that changed when he found the journal. He connected with the author in a way he never had before. Here was someone who shared the same interests as him, thought like him, and had the same insecurities as him. Even though at the time he hadn't known who the author was or if he was even still alive, he felt comforted knowing someone like him was out there in the world.

Despite Ford's warnings, Dipper decided to visit him down in the lab. He felt bad for disobeying Ford. But he had been evading Dipper and he decided the only way to get a chance to pick his brain was to corner him in his lab. All he had to do was show Ford that he was smart enough to confide in.

Ford was looking over the rift on the exam table when he heard someone enter the lab. For once, he hoped it was Stan because he was going to lose his mind if it was…

"Hey, Great-Uncle Ford. It's me, Dipper."

Ford bit back an exasperated sigh. This boy has been pestering him non-stop since his return. He tried to be patient with him. He was just a child after all. But with impending doom looming over his head, he wasn't sure how much longer he could humor him.

Ford gathered himself before turning around and smiling at his nephew. "Hello, Dipper. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Actually, I came to see if I can help you."

"No, thank you, Dipper. I don't need any help. Run along now." Ford tried to usher him out the door.

"Wait, Great-Uncle Ford. I've read your journal-"

"I know. You've told me." More times than Ford can count.

"I think I can be useful to you."

"Oh, I doubt that, Dipper." Ford held a firmer grip on Dipper's arm to escort him out.

Even though his uncle didn't intend to be mean, Dipper couldn't help but feel hurt by that statement. "Please, Uncle Ford, give me a chance."

Dipper pulled himself out of Ford's grasp but accidently bumped into the exam table. Ford's heart nearly stopped as the rift rolled off the table. Thankfully, Dipper snatched it before it hit the ground.

"Oh, man, that was a close one-"

Ford seized the rift from a Dipper's hand and placed it back in its protective container. "YOU IDIOT! DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE?"

Dipper gasped and backed away from Ford like he was a wild animal. "I…I…I'm sor-"

"GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE NOW! AND DON'T COME BACK!"

Dipper didn't need to be told twice. He practically ran out of the lab to get away from Ford. After shutting the vending machine, he fell to his knees and cried.

He blew it. He finally had his chance with the author and he screwed up. Now, Ford hated him.

But Ford was right, he was an idiot. He was an idiot for believing he was even half as smart as the author, for believing the author would need him for anything. He thought he found a kindred spirit with the author, but he wanted nothing to do with Dipper.

Every bad thought Dipper has had erupted to the forefront of his mind.

 _Nerd…_

 _Weakling…_

 _Paranoid…_

 _Freak…_

 _Useless…_

 _Idiot…_

 _That's what Ford called him._

 _Idiot…idiot…_

 _Idiot…idiot…idiot…_

 _Stan, Mabel, Wendy, Ford…_

 _Nobody needs him._

 _Nobody would care if he died._

Dipper tried to push the bad thoughts from his mind. But he couldn't. Not this time.

 _He's better off dead._

 _He should just die._

 _No one will miss him._

He couldn't face another day.

It didn't matter anymore.

No one will miss him.

Down in the lab, Ford was having trouble concentrating on his work. He regretted losing his temper at Dipper. His calculating mind told him there was too much at stake to stop his work to worry about the feelings of a little boy. But, it was hard to stay focused on the task when a pit of guilt was growing in his stomach.

He decided he should probably talk things out with Dipper so he can move past this and give his full attention to sealing the rift.

He searched the entire house for Dipper. For some reason, he felt uneasy at not being able to find the boy. He brushed it off and assumed that Dipper left the house to go sulk somewhere. Ford didn't like the thought of his nephew off somewhere upset, but all he could do was wait for Dipper to come back.

Since he was already up here, he might as well take a bathroom break. He opened the door to the bathroom and was stunned by the sight before him.

Dipper was in the bathtub laying fully-clothed in the water. In his hand, he held a knife that he was using to slice open his forearm. Dipper looked up in shock and horror at Ford. He still held the knife against his skin making Ford fear he'll hurt himself further if he made a wrong move.

"Dipper…" Ford slowly approached him and held out his hand. "Give the knife to me."

The knife shook in Dipper's hand. He looked terrified to give it up. The sight gave Ford a knot in his throat. Dipper was afraid of him.

"Dipper, please…" Ford forced his voice to stay calm despite his heart pounding against his chest. "Give me the knife, Dipper, please."

Reluctantly, Dipper gave up the knife. Now that Dipper was no longer in danger of harming himself, Ford picked up a towel and pressed it to Dipper's wound. He whimpered but didn't complain as Ford helped him out of the bathtub. Ford examined his wound. Dipper wasn't bleeding out too much. Ford stopped him before he cut open a vital artery.

Dipper was shivering hard. Ford didn't think it was just because he was wet and cold. Still, he wrapped another towel around Dipper's body. He sat the shaky Dipper on the toilet fearing he may fall over if he stayed on his feet.

Neither of them said anything as Ford pulled out the first aid kit and tended to Dipper's wound. Dipper hung his head like a child caught misbehaving and awaiting punishment. Ford contemplated what on earth he should say now. He had to choose his words carefully or Dipper could be pushed further over the edge. But for once, the genius' mind went blank.

The silence between them was unbearable. Ford had to do something. He stopped over-thinking the situation let his emerging paternal instincts take over.

He wrapped his arms around Dipper and pulled him into a hug. Ford second-guessed himself when Dipper stiffened in his embrace. But then, Dipper buried his face in Ford's neck and sobbed prompting Ford to hold him tighter. They remained quiet save for the Dipper crying and Ford shushing him. A few tears pricked the corners of Ford's eyes as well as he held the back of Dipper's head and rubbed his back.

"Dipper…" Ford had no idea what the appropriate thing to say was, so he just asked the question the plagued his mind. "Did you do this because of me?"

Dipper barely spoke above a whisper. "It was a lot of things."

"Like what?"

"It's just…I…I feel so alone. I'm sorry for bothering you so much. I thought…maybe…"

"That you had someone who understood you?"

"Yeah."

Ford once trusted someone he thought understood him and he ended up betrayed and hurt. Now, he did the same thing to his own nephew.

"Dipper, I am so sorry for my behavior. I had no right to treat you that way. Please try to understand I was only trying to protect you." Ford's lip trembled and his eyes became misty. "But now, you're hurt because of me."

"Are you going to tell Grunkle Stan?"

"I don't think I have a choice Dipper."

"Please, can we not tell him? I won't do it again, I promise."

Ford felt like it would be irresponsible not to report this to Stan. But those sad puppy-dog eyes made him cave. "Alright, I won't tell Stan. But I'm trusting you to keep your word. Because if anything happens to you under my watch, I'll never forgive myself."

"I promise, Grunkle Ford."

"I do have one condition, young man."

"Okay…"

"I want to keep an eye on you from now on. So, I want you to stay by my side at all times. I think it would be best to occupy your time, so I want you to help me with my work while we're getting to know each other."

Dipper's heart swelled at the prospect of spending time with Ford, but he didn't want Ford to do it out of pity. "You don't have to, Grunkle Ford. I don't wanna get in your way."

"You won't be in my way, Dipper. I need you." Ford didn't realize how much he needed Dipper until now.

"Thanks, Grunkle Ford." Dipper smiled. He had such a precious smile.

Ford opened his arms inviting his nephew in for a hug. Dipper happily accepted the invitation.


End file.
